I'm sure many of my blog readers have been wondering why I haven't posted any new blogs in over a month. It is because I was busy focusing my energy of finishing my autobiography. It is a project I started shortly after my accident, but kept hitting mental roadblocks and perpetually procrastinated on getting it done.
One of the biggest obstacles was my physical limitations and not being patient enough to work with dictation software. When I still lived at Cheshire I was limited to pecking away on my keyboard with my mouth-stick. I was a lighting fast typer when I could use my hands (never had to look at the keys) and can type surprising fast with my mouth-stick. The task just became tedious. A couple of the other residents highly recommended I buy the dictation software, "Dragon Naturally Speaking" and many of them used it regularly. I felt foolish speaking to the computer, and hated the fact I never had privacy and would have inevitably be overheard by roommates. At that point I decided against wasting the money, and kept on pecking away at the project.
For whatever reason, I only ever seemed to get the first thirty or so pages written. I kept hitting mental roadblocks whenever I tried recalling my time at Kessler. Honestly, I think I was so stressed out by the immediate issues, of being sleep deprived, stuck in a nursing home and dealing with the high stress level of each day, that I couldn't delve into the haunting memories and difficult experiences of my stay at Kessler. If anything, I wanted to run far away from those memories and much preferred to escape my miserable reality, through reading books, watching anime, spending time with friends and vegging out on video games.
After a while, I just stopped trying. I put the project on the back burner and focused my writing on current, day to day things. I used my MySpace blog as an outlet to vent my daily frustrations and every day struggles. When things became unbearable, and I hit my breaking point I switched gears and focused all my time and energy on getting myself out of Cheshire and into my own place. It took six long months of relentless researching, planning, pleading and begging, but I did it.
Once I was home I tried a few times to pick the book project up again, but would constantly spend all my time re-reading and re-editing; never making progress. I started focusing a lot of energy into painting, instead of writing and worked hard to build up a body of work worth exhibiting. I wrote about my artwork, as the book started to collect virtual dust, again. I was limited to the time I was able to be up in my chair, so I had to prioritize how best to spend that time, since it was when I could be most productive. I made the choice to paint and remained focused on that.
The book was always lingering in the back of mind. It bothered me, having it unresolved and unfinished. It wasn't like me to give up on anything I started. I caved in and bought the Dragon dictation software, hoping I could use it to be productive during my time in bed. I figured instead of playing my Nintendo DS, reading, or watching TV, I could begin putting my thoughts down and use my evening hours to write. I still felt silly speaking to the computer, but felt a little better knowing at least I had privacy. The software was glitchy and I didn't have the patience to do the training exercises. It ended up being more irksome than handy, and yet again I abandoned the project.
This past April my ex-boyfriend Jimmy resurfaced into my life. He knew I was struggling, and was at my wits end, with everything. He wanted to know how he could help me. I instantly knew that THIS was my opportunity to dust off my book file, and tackle the project once and for all. He was happy with the idea and we decided to begin working on it right away. I just knew that having HIM help me, would give me the accountability of meeting deadlines and the fact that it was OUR project gave me the focus and motivation I needed. I felt like deep inside there was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to share. I believed my story has the potential to help others and I felt like it would give Jimmy and I some much needed closure and mutual understanding. Although he'd remained in and out of my life over the last six years, there was a lot of things he missed out on. Out of all the people in my life, it was important to me that he understands my WHOLE experience with paralysis; from start to finish. I wanted him to understand my suffering and hope that having completed the project together it will put everything into perspective for him, and for us.
At first it was really challenging, just laying out the structure for the book and putting together a game plan. It had been so long since I had really thought about the dark days of Kessler and my time at Cheshire. I knew writing the book would open up a lot of old scars, but I felt ready and able to handle it. Luckily, for a large majority of my time post accident, I have kept blogs, or journals. I was grateful to have those entries to use as a reference, to try and create outlines of what I wanted to say in each chapter, and to put everything in chronological order, and to attempt to maintain a coherent flow, without too much repetition. If my memories were fuzzy, or I had gaps in my records I turned to family and friends to double check my facts, and to piece it all together.
Jimmy would come down to NJ (from PA) about once a week, or every other week and he would help me type huge chunks of chapters. I tried my best to write a little every day. Having my iPad was a tremendous help. As my health had declined, further and further my time sitting up has progressively decreased. Thankfully, I can write on my iPad laying flat in bed. It allowed me to keep up a fast momentum. Every so often, throughout the day or night I would write a few paragraphs. I tried to save the emotional parts about my relationship as my own personal project and forced myself to get those parts finished, between our visits.
The first third of the book was emotionally the hardest, but having Jimmy's support helped me stay focused and kept me on task. The last third of the book was the easiest part to write, because it focuses on the most current events in my life and my present day thoughts, opinions and struggles. I ended up writing middle portion of the book last, since I had the least amount of reference material to go off of. It took me a while, to interview friends and family and get the outlines finished. Once the outlines were completed, I just worked on checking off each topic from each list, until it was finished.
That said, from start to finish, it took me the past four and a half months of intensive writing to get the entire story down on paper. It's twenty one chapters long and over 250 pages. It was a monumental task, but I did it. I couldn't have done it without Jimmy and am eternally grateful for his assistance, in helping me realize my goal. The hardest part is over. I've said everything I want to say, and truly believe that he and I were meant to do this project together. For so long, we've both struggled over trying to make sense over why we met, and had such a wonderful, loving relationship, only to see our dreams get shattered and torn apart. This is not the life either of us wanted, or planned, but this book is something that we were able to turn our pain and tragedy into something good, and helpful; that hopefully will benefit others and inspire people to support research and change their perspectives on life and death. It will be our legacy and something that can continue to help, and inspire others to enact change, even once we're long gone. That feels good.
Right now I've been working with a couple of editors and trying to determine how much it will cost to get the book professionally edited. I've gotten some great feedback, but it's going to take a substantial (between $2,000-5,000) amount of money to get the job done right. I'm waiting to hear back from lawyer, to see if this is something I can use my trust for. We shall see. Honestly, I think it should be permissible, because it's definitely an expense that will go towards improving the quality of my life and hopefully that of many others. Once I get the editing logistics/fees ironed out and the book is edited and ready for publication, I plan to use lulu.com to covert the book into e-book (aka paperless) format. Once it's published it will be available to purchase through Apple's iBook app (on iPad), through Barnes and Noble's Nook and Nook Color and hopefully through Amazon's Kindle.
I'm super stressed, waiting to hear back from both editors with quotes and timelines. I'm even more stressed at how much it might cost me. I'm anxiously awaiting my lawyers input (and hopefully his approval). As soon as I have those answers, I'll know what is the best way to proceed. Either way, I have faith it WILL get published soon (within the next few months at the latest). I'm thrilled about it and can't wait to share my story (my WHOLE story) with the world. I look forward to hearing reader feedback! I'll keep everyone up to date on the progress and definitely inform you all once it's actually for sale. I'm so close, and very proud of myself. I hope readers will enjoy it, and that it will open some hearts and minds.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Showing posts with label mouth-stick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mouth-stick. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Sketchbook Is Finally Digitized & Online!
Last year I entered an Art House Co-Op project, called "Sketchbook Project: 2011." Each artist was asked to choose a theme from a list of predesignated themes (I chose "Help!") and sent a 80 page sketchbook. The only requirements were to fill the sketchbook according to the theme you chose & send it back. Each sketchbook was given a barcode for tracking purposes. About 10,000 artists participated & the sketchbooks were taken on a cross country tour, to multiple exhibits, where people from all different states could look through them. Once the tour was concluded, the books were all brought back to the Brooklyn Art Library and some were digitized (if you chose to pay the additional fee) as part of Art House Co-op's digital library.
Since I do all my artwork by mouth, it was much easier for me to create the sketches/artwork for my sketchbook on my iPad & print them out. I created a description page and image for each two page layout. The book is now digitized and available for viewing through my Art House Co-op profile, or directly through this link (www.arthousecoop.com/library/4604).
It took me months to fill the book. Unlike painting, I can work on my digital artwork in bed. Since I haven't been well enough to get up & paint as often as I'd like (these last couple of years) my iPad has given me a new outlet for artistic expression. I thought this project would be a great way to help raise awareness about paralysis & spinal cord injuries. The theme "Help!" fit in perfectly with my intent to ask people to help me (and the millions of people suffering with paralysis world wide) by supporting research for a cure to paralysis. All the sketches, digital images & collages I included in my sketchbook are about my struggles with my accident, my injury and my life with paralysis.
I'm pleased with how the book turned out (with the exception of the first two page layout- my collage was pasted upside down by mistake). I'm hoping that now it is available online for viewing it will get a lot hits, and get people thinking about paralysis & spinal cord injuries. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I hope my artwork has an impact on the people that see it. I want to open people's eyes, educate the general public & hopefully inspire some people to support research & advocate for a cure. I'd love to hear feedback & please share the link with friends! Thanks <3
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Since I do all my artwork by mouth, it was much easier for me to create the sketches/artwork for my sketchbook on my iPad & print them out. I created a description page and image for each two page layout. The book is now digitized and available for viewing through my Art House Co-op profile, or directly through this link (www.arthousecoop.com/library/4604).
It took me months to fill the book. Unlike painting, I can work on my digital artwork in bed. Since I haven't been well enough to get up & paint as often as I'd like (these last couple of years) my iPad has given me a new outlet for artistic expression. I thought this project would be a great way to help raise awareness about paralysis & spinal cord injuries. The theme "Help!" fit in perfectly with my intent to ask people to help me (and the millions of people suffering with paralysis world wide) by supporting research for a cure to paralysis. All the sketches, digital images & collages I included in my sketchbook are about my struggles with my accident, my injury and my life with paralysis.
I'm pleased with how the book turned out (with the exception of the first two page layout- my collage was pasted upside down by mistake). I'm hoping that now it is available online for viewing it will get a lot hits, and get people thinking about paralysis & spinal cord injuries. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I hope my artwork has an impact on the people that see it. I want to open people's eyes, educate the general public & hopefully inspire some people to support research & advocate for a cure. I'd love to hear feedback & please share the link with friends! Thanks <3
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, March 18, 2011
Gaming By Mouth
I'm quadriplegic (C4/C5 complete) due to a swimming accident in 2005. Before my injury, one of my favorite hobbies was playing video games. I'm thirty, and have been a gamer practically my entire life. The first gaming system I ever owned was a color computer, that hooked up to the TV and used huge eight track like cartridges. This was back around my kindergarten days, and I can remember using a simple joystick to play the Sesame Street educational games and a face maker game that I had for the system. My dad's a computer programmer. He had built his own hard drive at the time (1985), as well as owning an Amiga computer. I can remember being one of the only kids with a computer at home, in those days. We even had a color printer, with the old fashioned style paper, that had the holes down both sides & the perforated edges.
I remember learning "Basic" language in school, and using actual floppy (6 inch, skinny, floppy & square) disks to store our information. My second computer was a Comodore 64, which my brother handed down to me. TheComodore used floppy disks and Basic commands to "run" each game. It used simple joysticks to play the games, with one button. Some of my favorite games were: Quix, Friday the 13, Mission Impossible, B.C. Quest for Tires, Up & Down and Apple Cider Spider. At the time, my brother had the original NES. Both systems had hundreds of eight bit titles. Between the two of us we had dozens of games for each system. I can remember my best friend and I playing video games for hours! Growing up my friends and I also played outside a lot, played board games and with toys. Although we liked video games, our time glued in front of the television was more well balanced than it is for most kids today.
By the time my brother gave me his NES (around 1990), most of friends had one too. I fell in love with many of the Nintendo characters (Mario Bros., Yoshi, Toad, Princess Toadstool, Kirby & Zelda), and have been a loyal customer and fan ever since. When Super Nintento came out, my parents refused to buy it. I saved up my two dollar a week allowance and bought it for myself. I remember being so proud going to ToysRUs and handing over my huge wad of singles! SNES was a 16 bit console with a four button controller. It's funny, looking back, at how amazed I was by the graphics. I can actually remember saying how "real"' the graphics looked, which seems silly, compared to today's graphics. SNES remains to be my favorite console of all time, with some of my most loved games: Earthbound, Zelda: A Link to the Past, Super Mario World, Super Mario RPG, Tetris vs. Dr. Mario, Mario Kart, Bubsy and Donkey Kong Country. I've owned almost every Nintendo gaming system and/or handheld, with the exception of the most current system, the Wii.
At the time of my accident I had the three most current gaming systems at my apartment (I owned Gamecube & Xbox and my ex-boyfriend owned Playstation 2). I enjoyed playing games by myself and with friends in my spare time. In fact, the night of my accident I had been playing my Gameboy Advanced SP, just hours before I was injured. Gaming has been a favorite pastime practically my entire life. Despite my disability, I continue to enjoy gaming, by playing games with a mouth-stick.
Last year, I read about an amazing paralyzed professional gamer, named Randy that plays with his chin and mouth. Like me, Randy has been a gamer almost his entire life. Unlike me, Randy was born with his disability, and has only ever played by chin & mouth. Being a fellow gamer, and having had the experience of gaming with two hands, versus playing by mouth, I'm completely blown away by Randy's level of skill and the complexity of the controllers he uses. I consider myself to be a pretty good gamer, but certainly not good enough to go toe to toe, or in mine & Randy's case, mouth to hand, versus professional gamers. I'm in total awe of his amazing skill! "I'm not worthy" *bows head* LOL!
Personally, not being able to use my hands limits me to certain type of games. Given the fact that I can't hit multiple buttons at once (using a mouth-stick), I can no longer play most console games. The modern controllers have way too buttons and the games rely on complicated combinations. The way Randy plays is a bit too much work for me. I'm satisfied with the balance and selection of games I've found. The mouth-stick I use to type and use the computer is about twelve inches in length, with a plastic mouth piece and rubber tip (like a pencil eraser). Most of the PC games I play rely solely on the mouse (I use a trackball style mouse. The rubber tip of my stick makes rolling the ball easy). I use built in short cuts, like "sticky keys" and "click lock" in the control panel settings, to allow me to be able to drop, drag and highlight.
I started using a mouth-stick to play video games during my stay in a nursing home (2005-2007). A buddy of mine turned me on to a MMORPG (Massivly Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game- other examples include: World of Warcraft, EverQuest & Guild Wars) called Maple Story. For those of you not familiar with MMORPGs, they are games in which you create a character/avatar, usually a specific class within the game, in which you play with other people, in real time. They are like virtual worlds, where you can explore, form guilds, complete quests, chat, and play with friends, or people you meet within the game. They usually have loose story lines, that allow you to have freedom to play the game how you want. In fact, quite often people end up meeting up in the game just to chat & socialize with fellow players. I've met a lot of nice people, over the years playing Maple Story and even met a few of them in person (My friend Naama-aka Jane-stayed with me and went to one of my exhibits, back in 2009, traveling all the way from Israel).
As cheesy as it might sound, playing Maple Story contributed greatly to me being able to survive my stay in the nursing home, and keep my sanity. For starters, the style of the game is a classic side scroller, that uses the keyboard for controls. Allowing for customization of commands, let me arrange my keyboard so that I can hit the "jump" & arrow keys at the same time. The graphics are very animesc (I just invented that word) and reminiscent of many of my favorite Nintendo games. The whole look and feel of Maple Story fit right in with my tastes and playing gave me a much needed escape from the harsh realities of my life. Being able to socialize, and vent to real people, also helped to keep me distracted and helped keep me from becoming totally withdrawn and depressed. In the Maple Story universe, I don't look any different, from anyone else. When I meet people in the game, they have no clue that I'm playing by mouth, unless I tell them. As insignificant as that might seem, the fact that I could blend in and feel "normal" again, helped give me a confidence boost to be more social, and interact with people. Having been able bodied for the first twenty four years of my life, my disability brings with it a huge amount of body image issues, and I struggle a lot with how different I look in appearance, since my accident. To have the luxury of not standing out, actually made it easier to break the ice and talk about my injury, and my disability (in the article about Randy, it mentions him having similar feelings and about the sense of freedom that he feels, while gaming). It makes me feel good to be able to keep up and compete with my able bodied peers, within the game. Everyone I meet is always stunned and surprised when I tell them I'm paralyzed. It's hard for the average person to imagine how it is that I can type so fast, and how well I play the game. I usually jokingly say, "you should've seen me when I could use my hands!" I can only imagine how amazing a gifted player like Randy would be, if it were not for his disability.
Like I said earlier, for the most part, on the PC I stick to games that only require a mouse to play. There are tons of games that fall into this category, including many of the popular social networking connected games, likeFarmville, Bejeweled and SPP Super Poke Pets. My favorite genres include, hidden object (like Huntsville Mysteries), match three (like Jewel Quest), and simulation (like The Sims). Many of the games I play are for free, with optional features for purchase. Another great invention (besides the trackball mouse- which stays stationary, and requires you to move just the ball, instead of the entire mouse) that has widened the selection of games I can play, has been the touch screen. There are two types of touch screens, pressure and capacitive. I have games for both. The Nintendo DS uses a pressure based touchscreen, on which I use a knitting needle, attached to the end of a traditional mouth-stick. The hand held system comes with a small plastic stylus, however it's way too short & thin for me to use. The knitting needle tip, mimics the stylus tip and gives me the same amount of accuracy. I have over thirty games for my DS, that for the most part, rely totally on the stylus and don't require pushing any buttons (some have annoying microphone or button requirements, that I basically ignore, or get help with, if I can't, but that don't hinder overall game play).
The iPad uses a capacitive touchscreen, which uses the electricity in our bodies (literal touch) to work. Given the fact that my hands no longer work, I use a special stylus (called a Pogo) attached to the end of a mouth stick, which mimics touch. The capacitive fibers wear down over time, and need to be replaced, depending on how much you use them. There are tons of games available for purchase (many have "lite" version for free, to test games out) in the Apple apps store. As an artist, I also use my iPad to create digital art, in addition to using it for writing, reading and gaming. My iPad is almost as versatile as my PC, and I love the fact that I can sketch and create art on it. As far as the games go, the graphics and sound on the iPad are superior to that of the DS, and uses a much larger touch screen surface.
Below I've listed some of my favorite game titles/gaming websites, for each platform:
PC-
1. Maple Story MMORPG- http://maplestory.nexon.net/
2. Farmville- http://www.farmville.com/
3. SPP SuperPoke Pets! https://secure.superpokepets.com/spp/login
4. Big Fish Games- You can download & pay per game, or pay a subscription for full games. I enjoy playing "match 3" games & "hidden object" games. I enjoy: Huntsville Mysteries, Bookworm, Asami's Sushi Shop, Fishdom, Puzzle Quest 2 & 7 Wonders. All the titles I listed are mouse driven. http://www.bigfishgames.com
5. The Sims Series- http://thesims.ea.com/
6. Spore- http://www.spore.com
Nintendo DS-
1. Animal Crossing: Wild World- http://ds.ign.com/articles/673/673671p1.html
2. Mario vs. Donkey Kong series- http://ds.ign.com/articles/113/1134070p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/735/735297p1.html
3. Final Fantasy IV- http://ds.ign.com/articles/887/887583p1.html
4. Final Fantasy: The 4 Heroes of Light- http://ds.ign.com/articles/112/1125729p1.html
5. The Cooking with Mama series- http://ds.ign.com/articles/733/733555p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/837/837283p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/103/1038659p1.html
6. Disney Princess: Magical Jewels- http://ds.ign.com/articles/831/831424p1.html
7. The Professor Layton Mystery series- http://ds.ign.com/articles/851/851856p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/101/1017161p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/111/1119632p1.html
8. Chrono Trigger- http://ds.ign.com/articles/932/932438p1.html
9. Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon- http://ds.ign.com/articles/954/954421p1.html
10. Wario's Warehouse series- http://ds.ign.com/articles/587/587217p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/107/1079712p1.html
11. Brain Age series- http://ds.ign.com/articles/702/702057p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/813/813780p1.html
12. Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Sky- http://ds.ign.com/articles/110/1104879p1.html
13. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hour Glass (was very disappointed that Zelda: Spirit Tracks uses a button/stylus combo)- http://ds.ign.com/articles/822/822825p1.html
14. Pokemon Diamond (have to use buttons, but it is a turned based RPG, which makes that doable)- http://ds.ign.com/articles/782/782443p1.html
15. Yoshi Touch & Go- http://ds.ign.com/articles/595/595523p1.html
16. Age of Empires Mythologies- http://ds.ign.com/articles/933/933525p1.html
17. Harvest Moon DS Cute- http://ds.ign.com/articles/864/864320p1.html
18. Ninjatown- http://ds.ign.com/articles/924/924068p1.html
19. Gardening Mama- http://ds.ign.com/articles/969/969213p1.html
iPad-
1. Final Fantasy- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/final-fantasy/id354972939?mt=8
2. Crystal Defenders- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/crystal-defenders-for-ipad/id379052382?mt=8
3. Chaos Rings- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/chaos-rings-for-ipad/id384090103?mt=8
4. Puzzle Quest- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/puzzle-quest-hd/id398190768?mt=8
5. Color Cross HD- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/color-cross-hd/id383300986?mt=8
6. Jewel Quest Mysteries: Curse of the Emerald Tear- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/jewel-quest-mysteries-curse/id337188077?mt=8
7. Chop Chop Ninja- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/chop-chop-ninja/id346877580?mt=8
8. Angry Birds series- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/angry-birds/id343200656?mt=8
9. Smiles HD- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/smiles-hd/id364871736?mt=8
Related Info:
1. Article about Randy- http://www.asylum.com/2010/04/13/amazing-pro-gamer-nom4d-plays-with-just-his-lips-and-chin/
2. Randy's YouTube channel- http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRealN0M4D
3. Video demo of me using my iPad (with Pogo stylus)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H85Lb8Pyu9U&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I remember learning "Basic" language in school, and using actual floppy (6 inch, skinny, floppy & square) disks to store our information. My second computer was a Comodore 64, which my brother handed down to me. TheComodore used floppy disks and Basic commands to "run" each game. It used simple joysticks to play the games, with one button. Some of my favorite games were: Quix, Friday the 13, Mission Impossible, B.C. Quest for Tires, Up & Down and Apple Cider Spider. At the time, my brother had the original NES. Both systems had hundreds of eight bit titles. Between the two of us we had dozens of games for each system. I can remember my best friend and I playing video games for hours! Growing up my friends and I also played outside a lot, played board games and with toys. Although we liked video games, our time glued in front of the television was more well balanced than it is for most kids today.
By the time my brother gave me his NES (around 1990), most of friends had one too. I fell in love with many of the Nintendo characters (Mario Bros., Yoshi, Toad, Princess Toadstool, Kirby & Zelda), and have been a loyal customer and fan ever since. When Super Nintento came out, my parents refused to buy it. I saved up my two dollar a week allowance and bought it for myself. I remember being so proud going to ToysRUs and handing over my huge wad of singles! SNES was a 16 bit console with a four button controller. It's funny, looking back, at how amazed I was by the graphics. I can actually remember saying how "real"' the graphics looked, which seems silly, compared to today's graphics. SNES remains to be my favorite console of all time, with some of my most loved games: Earthbound, Zelda: A Link to the Past, Super Mario World, Super Mario RPG, Tetris vs. Dr. Mario, Mario Kart, Bubsy and Donkey Kong Country. I've owned almost every Nintendo gaming system and/or handheld, with the exception of the most current system, the Wii.
At the time of my accident I had the three most current gaming systems at my apartment (I owned Gamecube & Xbox and my ex-boyfriend owned Playstation 2). I enjoyed playing games by myself and with friends in my spare time. In fact, the night of my accident I had been playing my Gameboy Advanced SP, just hours before I was injured. Gaming has been a favorite pastime practically my entire life. Despite my disability, I continue to enjoy gaming, by playing games with a mouth-stick.
Last year, I read about an amazing paralyzed professional gamer, named Randy that plays with his chin and mouth. Like me, Randy has been a gamer almost his entire life. Unlike me, Randy was born with his disability, and has only ever played by chin & mouth. Being a fellow gamer, and having had the experience of gaming with two hands, versus playing by mouth, I'm completely blown away by Randy's level of skill and the complexity of the controllers he uses. I consider myself to be a pretty good gamer, but certainly not good enough to go toe to toe, or in mine & Randy's case, mouth to hand, versus professional gamers. I'm in total awe of his amazing skill! "I'm not worthy" *bows head* LOL!
Personally, not being able to use my hands limits me to certain type of games. Given the fact that I can't hit multiple buttons at once (using a mouth-stick), I can no longer play most console games. The modern controllers have way too buttons and the games rely on complicated combinations. The way Randy plays is a bit too much work for me. I'm satisfied with the balance and selection of games I've found. The mouth-stick I use to type and use the computer is about twelve inches in length, with a plastic mouth piece and rubber tip (like a pencil eraser). Most of the PC games I play rely solely on the mouse (I use a trackball style mouse. The rubber tip of my stick makes rolling the ball easy). I use built in short cuts, like "sticky keys" and "click lock" in the control panel settings, to allow me to be able to drop, drag and highlight.
I started using a mouth-stick to play video games during my stay in a nursing home (2005-2007). A buddy of mine turned me on to a MMORPG (Massivly Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game- other examples include: World of Warcraft, EverQuest & Guild Wars) called Maple Story. For those of you not familiar with MMORPGs, they are games in which you create a character/avatar, usually a specific class within the game, in which you play with other people, in real time. They are like virtual worlds, where you can explore, form guilds, complete quests, chat, and play with friends, or people you meet within the game. They usually have loose story lines, that allow you to have freedom to play the game how you want. In fact, quite often people end up meeting up in the game just to chat & socialize with fellow players. I've met a lot of nice people, over the years playing Maple Story and even met a few of them in person (My friend Naama-aka Jane-stayed with me and went to one of my exhibits, back in 2009, traveling all the way from Israel).
As cheesy as it might sound, playing Maple Story contributed greatly to me being able to survive my stay in the nursing home, and keep my sanity. For starters, the style of the game is a classic side scroller, that uses the keyboard for controls. Allowing for customization of commands, let me arrange my keyboard so that I can hit the "jump" & arrow keys at the same time. The graphics are very animesc (I just invented that word) and reminiscent of many of my favorite Nintendo games. The whole look and feel of Maple Story fit right in with my tastes and playing gave me a much needed escape from the harsh realities of my life. Being able to socialize, and vent to real people, also helped to keep me distracted and helped keep me from becoming totally withdrawn and depressed. In the Maple Story universe, I don't look any different, from anyone else. When I meet people in the game, they have no clue that I'm playing by mouth, unless I tell them. As insignificant as that might seem, the fact that I could blend in and feel "normal" again, helped give me a confidence boost to be more social, and interact with people. Having been able bodied for the first twenty four years of my life, my disability brings with it a huge amount of body image issues, and I struggle a lot with how different I look in appearance, since my accident. To have the luxury of not standing out, actually made it easier to break the ice and talk about my injury, and my disability (in the article about Randy, it mentions him having similar feelings and about the sense of freedom that he feels, while gaming). It makes me feel good to be able to keep up and compete with my able bodied peers, within the game. Everyone I meet is always stunned and surprised when I tell them I'm paralyzed. It's hard for the average person to imagine how it is that I can type so fast, and how well I play the game. I usually jokingly say, "you should've seen me when I could use my hands!" I can only imagine how amazing a gifted player like Randy would be, if it were not for his disability.
Like I said earlier, for the most part, on the PC I stick to games that only require a mouse to play. There are tons of games that fall into this category, including many of the popular social networking connected games, likeFarmville, Bejeweled and SPP Super Poke Pets. My favorite genres include, hidden object (like Huntsville Mysteries), match three (like Jewel Quest), and simulation (like The Sims). Many of the games I play are for free, with optional features for purchase. Another great invention (besides the trackball mouse- which stays stationary, and requires you to move just the ball, instead of the entire mouse) that has widened the selection of games I can play, has been the touch screen. There are two types of touch screens, pressure and capacitive. I have games for both. The Nintendo DS uses a pressure based touchscreen, on which I use a knitting needle, attached to the end of a traditional mouth-stick. The hand held system comes with a small plastic stylus, however it's way too short & thin for me to use. The knitting needle tip, mimics the stylus tip and gives me the same amount of accuracy. I have over thirty games for my DS, that for the most part, rely totally on the stylus and don't require pushing any buttons (some have annoying microphone or button requirements, that I basically ignore, or get help with, if I can't, but that don't hinder overall game play).
The iPad uses a capacitive touchscreen, which uses the electricity in our bodies (literal touch) to work. Given the fact that my hands no longer work, I use a special stylus (called a Pogo) attached to the end of a mouth stick, which mimics touch. The capacitive fibers wear down over time, and need to be replaced, depending on how much you use them. There are tons of games available for purchase (many have "lite" version for free, to test games out) in the Apple apps store. As an artist, I also use my iPad to create digital art, in addition to using it for writing, reading and gaming. My iPad is almost as versatile as my PC, and I love the fact that I can sketch and create art on it. As far as the games go, the graphics and sound on the iPad are superior to that of the DS, and uses a much larger touch screen surface.
Below I've listed some of my favorite game titles/gaming websites, for each platform:
PC-
1. Maple Story MMORPG- http://maplestory.nexon.net/
2. Farmville- http://www.farmville.com/
3. SPP SuperPoke Pets! https://secure.superpokepets.com/spp/login
4. Big Fish Games- You can download & pay per game, or pay a subscription for full games. I enjoy playing "match 3" games & "hidden object" games. I enjoy: Huntsville Mysteries, Bookworm, Asami's Sushi Shop, Fishdom, Puzzle Quest 2 & 7 Wonders. All the titles I listed are mouse driven. http://www.bigfishgames.com
5. The Sims Series- http://thesims.ea.com/
6. Spore- http://www.spore.com
Nintendo DS-
1. Animal Crossing: Wild World- http://ds.ign.com/articles/673/673671p1.html
2. Mario vs. Donkey Kong series- http://ds.ign.com/articles/113/1134070p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/735/735297p1.html
3. Final Fantasy IV- http://ds.ign.com/articles/887/887583p1.html
4. Final Fantasy: The 4 Heroes of Light- http://ds.ign.com/articles/112/1125729p1.html
5. The Cooking with Mama series- http://ds.ign.com/articles/733/733555p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/837/837283p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/103/1038659p1.html
6. Disney Princess: Magical Jewels- http://ds.ign.com/articles/831/831424p1.html
7. The Professor Layton Mystery series- http://ds.ign.com/articles/851/851856p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/101/1017161p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/111/1119632p1.html
8. Chrono Trigger- http://ds.ign.com/articles/932/932438p1.html
9. Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon- http://ds.ign.com/articles/954/954421p1.html
10. Wario's Warehouse series- http://ds.ign.com/articles/587/587217p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/107/1079712p1.html
11. Brain Age series- http://ds.ign.com/articles/702/702057p1.html, http://ds.ign.com/articles/813/813780p1.html
12. Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Sky- http://ds.ign.com/articles/110/1104879p1.html
13. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hour Glass (was very disappointed that Zelda: Spirit Tracks uses a button/stylus combo)- http://ds.ign.com/articles/822/822825p1.html
14. Pokemon Diamond (have to use buttons, but it is a turned based RPG, which makes that doable)- http://ds.ign.com/articles/782/782443p1.html
15. Yoshi Touch & Go- http://ds.ign.com/articles/595/595523p1.html
16. Age of Empires Mythologies- http://ds.ign.com/articles/933/933525p1.html
17. Harvest Moon DS Cute- http://ds.ign.com/articles/864/864320p1.html
18. Ninjatown- http://ds.ign.com/articles/924/924068p1.html
19. Gardening Mama- http://ds.ign.com/articles/969/969213p1.html
iPad-
1. Final Fantasy- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/final-fantasy/id354972939?mt=8
2. Crystal Defenders- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/crystal-defenders-for-ipad/id379052382?mt=8
3. Chaos Rings- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/chaos-rings-for-ipad/id384090103?mt=8
4. Puzzle Quest- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/puzzle-quest-hd/id398190768?mt=8
5. Color Cross HD- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/color-cross-hd/id383300986?mt=8
6. Jewel Quest Mysteries: Curse of the Emerald Tear- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/jewel-quest-mysteries-curse/id337188077?mt=8
7. Chop Chop Ninja- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/chop-chop-ninja/id346877580?mt=8
8. Angry Birds series- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/angry-birds/id343200656?mt=8
9. Smiles HD- http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/smiles-hd/id364871736?mt=8
Related Info:
1. Article about Randy- http://www.asylum.com/2010/04/13/amazing-pro-gamer-nom4d-plays-with-just-his-lips-and-chin/
2. Randy's YouTube channel- http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRealN0M4D
3. Video demo of me using my iPad (with Pogo stylus)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H85Lb8Pyu9U&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
iPad
I'm currently writing from my new iPad. I'm getting used to how to use it & how much pressure is needed to access features. Right now we have it rigged on a book stand & bed table. It's harder for me to press the top two corners than it is for the rest of the surface. I bought a generic capacitive stylus (Pogo brand), since Apple doesn't have one (yet) for the iPad. I ended up going to the Apple store to try out the stylus, before I ordered one. While doing my research on the device, I couldn't find any mention of being able to use a stylus.
Initially, I called Apple to speak with one of their "geniuses" about the probability of me being able to use the iPad with my mouth stick & possibly the iTouch stylus. The woman I spoke with said that most likely the iPhone/iTouch stylus wouldn't work because of the amount of sensors used in the iPad surface. Luckily, my brother in law is a tech wiz & encouraged me to try any old capacitive stylus. As the name suggests, capacitive styluses (do I need to pluralize that word?) some how mimic our fingers by altering the electric current on the touch screen surface. Other touch screens, like on Nintendo DS, respond to pressure, so you can use your fingers or almost any inanimate object. After reading a couple of articles my bro sent me, which even showed people using sausages to control their iPhones (I'm not kidding), I figured it was worth trying.
As some of you know, I've been looking into getting an e-reader for some time now. I'd read tons of reviews on Kindle, Sony Reader & the Nook, and was leaning towards the Kindle, when I first heard about the iPad. The more I read about the iPad, it seemed like the perfect choice. It already has all the positive features of the three e-readers (audio book capability, built in dictionary, limited web access, touch screen & the ability to share information) plus it can do a host of other things, that none of the e-readers can. Granted, the iPad is more expensive, but I think the versatility of applications justifies the added cost.
The iPad is not (yet) a replacement to a laptop, because it doesn't support Flash (program that online games, like Farmville & a lot of websites use), has limited multitasking capabilities and has no webcam. That said, the amount of things it can do is pretty impressive. I'm limited to what I can do o a laptop, because I have to use a mouth stick to hit the keys & control the trackball. The full touch screen of the iPad allows me to do a lot of things laying down, that normally require me to sit. Just being able to type laying in bed is amazing. I so often have ideas or things I'd like to say, but can't because I'm stuck in bed. I hardly ever have enough time in the day to write. I have to prioritize my time sitting up, so that I can be productive. Once I've answered all my e-mails & paid bills, there's little time (or desire) to write for fun.
Hopefully, I'll be posting blogs more frequently, now that I can write in bed. I'll write a more detailed review on my iPad, after I've used it for a few weeks.
-- Post From My iPad
Initially, I called Apple to speak with one of their "geniuses" about the probability of me being able to use the iPad with my mouth stick & possibly the iTouch stylus. The woman I spoke with said that most likely the iPhone/iTouch stylus wouldn't work because of the amount of sensors used in the iPad surface. Luckily, my brother in law is a tech wiz & encouraged me to try any old capacitive stylus. As the name suggests, capacitive styluses (do I need to pluralize that word?) some how mimic our fingers by altering the electric current on the touch screen surface. Other touch screens, like on Nintendo DS, respond to pressure, so you can use your fingers or almost any inanimate object. After reading a couple of articles my bro sent me, which even showed people using sausages to control their iPhones (I'm not kidding), I figured it was worth trying.
As some of you know, I've been looking into getting an e-reader for some time now. I'd read tons of reviews on Kindle, Sony Reader & the Nook, and was leaning towards the Kindle, when I first heard about the iPad. The more I read about the iPad, it seemed like the perfect choice. It already has all the positive features of the three e-readers (audio book capability, built in dictionary, limited web access, touch screen & the ability to share information) plus it can do a host of other things, that none of the e-readers can. Granted, the iPad is more expensive, but I think the versatility of applications justifies the added cost.
The iPad is not (yet) a replacement to a laptop, because it doesn't support Flash (program that online games, like Farmville & a lot of websites use), has limited multitasking capabilities and has no webcam. That said, the amount of things it can do is pretty impressive. I'm limited to what I can do o a laptop, because I have to use a mouth stick to hit the keys & control the trackball. The full touch screen of the iPad allows me to do a lot of things laying down, that normally require me to sit. Just being able to type laying in bed is amazing. I so often have ideas or things I'd like to say, but can't because I'm stuck in bed. I hardly ever have enough time in the day to write. I have to prioritize my time sitting up, so that I can be productive. Once I've answered all my e-mails & paid bills, there's little time (or desire) to write for fun.
Hopefully, I'll be posting blogs more frequently, now that I can write in bed. I'll write a more detailed review on my iPad, after I've used it for a few weeks.
-- Post From My iPad
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Hacked
I’ve been playing this online game called MapleStory (MS for short) since 2006. A friend introduced me to MS when I was still living in the nursing home. I was big into gaming before my accident & it stinks that I can no longer play 95% of my console games. At the time of my accident I had Nintendo Gameboy SP, Gamecube & Xbox. Since I can’t use my hands I’m limited to hitting one key at a time with my mouth stick. Most modern games require multiple button combos to play, so when I found MS it was awesome to be able to adapt the controls and be able to play with my mouth.
For those of you that aren’t gamers, MS is what you call a MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game). MMORPGs consist of thousands to millions of players. You create a character and name and you can play with and interact with other real life people. Most MMORPG have loose open ended storylines that allow you to choose from a variety of things to do and allow you to customize your experience. The game worlds are online social communities which allow you to meet new people, play with friends and work as a team, to meet objectives, win achievements and/or complete quests. Typically there are specific class types, which you choose from early on such as; warrior, mage, archer, bowman, ninja and pirate. Some games offer subclasses as well. Your class determines what kind of equips, weapons and items you’ll need and which skills you’ll acquire. You advance in level and skills through gaining experience, which is usually given in points that correlate to the monsters you kill or as rewards for completing quests. Each subsequent level requires more experience points than the last level and special abilities and skills are usually increased with each level. Some MMORPGs charge subscription fees to play (like World of War Craft), while others offer free access. Although MS is free to play, there are tons of optional items you can buy to enhance your game play. In both types of MMORPG you gain an in-game currency, which you need to buy equips, weapons and items. In MS the game currency is called “meso.” In a free access game like MS it becomes increasingly harder to rely solely on game currency alone, so many people buy the optional currency to take advantage of the specialty items. In MS the cash shop items are purchased with “NX” which you can buy on the company game site or in gift card form.
Maple Story is unique in that it is a 2D side scrolling format; similar to the old 16bit systems, like SNES and Sega Genesis. Its cute anime inspired look and overall game design make it a family friendly game. The monsters and environments are adorable (most) and although you kill monsters, there isn’t the guts, gore and realism of other contemporary games. For the most part teamwork is promoted over competition, as there is little player versus player game play.
As I mentioned before, I was still living in the nursing home when I started playing MS. My time spent at the nursing home was the hardest and darkest period of my life. I was extremely depressed. Maple Story provided me with a much needed escape from reality. As corny as it sounds, MS played a huge role in helping me retain my sanity that first year post accident. It was a distraction from my sad situation. It gave me the opportunity to meet new people and hang out with friends, without ever leaving my room. In Maple Story I am the same as everyone else; no one can tell I play with a mouth stick unless I choose to tell them. Given my situation, it’s a good feeling to be able to fit in and feel equal to everyone else. MS gave me a few hours every day where I could escape reality and not focus so much on my sadness.
Gaming can be very addictive and there was a time when I played MS at least five or six hours every day. I don’t play nearly as much now, but it is still an enjoyable part of my life and I often use my time online to simply socialize. I’ve met some wonderful friends through MS, from all over the country (as well as a few other countries) that I would’ve never met otherwise. I have a lot of free time, being unemployed. Since I’ve been back in my own apartment I’ve become more involved with advocacy work, for finding a cure to paralysis. I’ve had opportunities to exhibit my art and have to split my time in the chair between work & play, so to speak. Overall, if I were to calculate all the time I’ve spent playing MS this past 3 ½ years, I’m sure I’ve easily invested several weeks of my life online. That probably seems excessive, but you have to keep in mind that I have way more free time than the average person and the first year I played I used MS as an escape. Being newly paralyzed and living in a nursing facility is a reality I’m sure anyone would like to escape.
I know a couple of people that play MS without spending money on NX, but on a whole, I’d say the vast majority of players invest in NX. It is near impossible to keep up with friends (level and skill) without NX. When I first started playing in ’06 the game environment was much smaller and most NX items were just covers for in game equips and weapons that didn’t have a functional purpose; purely cosmetic. As the game has grown, so has the cash shop. There are now certain aspects of the game that can only be accessed with NX (such as Amoria party quest). Most NX items expire in 90 days, so if it’s something you feel you need you basically end up spending what you might spend on subscription to other games. Since I can only hit one key at a time with my stick it has become increasingly more difficult to play without NX. There are certain items which I buy regularly to be able to play on par with traditional players (people that play with 10 working fingers). I rely heavily on my pet and pet equips to pick up items, mesos and use potions. If I had to pick up items myself or heal myself it would be too frustrating to play once I reach a certain point. Fighting monsters gets harder with each level and I can’t hit two keys at a time, so without NX items I’d have to constantly switch between attacking and healing. Not only would it slow me down, it would force me to waste tons of mesos on extra potions. Without a pet, I’d die very often, which is frustrating and wastes time and experience points. I keep a regular stock of safety charms; in the event I do die my charm saves me from losing experience. At high levels (120+ out of 200) it can take hours, if not days to gain a level, so if you die without a charm you waste a significant amount of time. There are special tickets which double points and drops. I buy double experience regularly. I level much slower than most players as is, so 2xs experience helps me to keep up with friends. On average, I spend $40-$60 every 90 days, which is comparable to subscription fees. There are times where I’ve been playing more often and I tend to spend even more during those periods. I like NX items; they make the game more enjoyable for me. On a whole, I don’t mind buying NX. I look at buying NX like buying console games, which I used to spend just as much on, if not more.
You gain game currency (mesos in MapleStory) by killing monsters, doing quests and selling rare game items. Many people (including me) make tons of mesos selling equips, scrolls and rare items. Some rare items are monster drops, while others are won in gachapon (a lottery type game feature which requires NX tickets to play); both methods rely solely on luck. Rare items and good equips (give high status boosts) can cost several hundred million mesos! Since the prices are set by players the prices/value of items fluctuates. You also use mesos to buy potions to heal or boost stats, as well as use certain in-game services, such as; transportation between areas and item creation. I’ve easily made and spent billions of meso over the past several years. I’ve had a few lucky sales (most recently I sold an elemental wand for close to 900mil meso) which in turn, allowed me to buy really good equips and rare collector items like chairs. My account consists of a 4th job level hero (133/200), 3rd job level priest (114/200), two 2nd job characters and a low level character for storage.
The difference in buying a game outright versus subscribing to game access or buying digital items is that there is a much higher risk of losing your investment with online games. I can hold a Gameboy DS game in my hands. I know my console games are here, safe in my home, available to use at anytime and only cost me a onetime fee. Since I started playing MS I’ve easily invested hundreds (maybe even over one thousand) of dollars over the past 3-4 years. Again, that might seem exorbitant to a non-gamer, but keep in mind that console game systems cost $200-400 for the system and $20-60 per game. The good news with console game systems is that you can trade them in for a little cash towards a newer model and short of a burglary on my home, my investment is safe and sound.
Maple Story is the first and only MMORPG I’ve ever played. It is also the first online game I’ve invested real money in (buying NX). In terms of overall investment, I’ve dedicated almost 4 years of time and had built up an impressive collection of equips and items. I’ve always known that hackers existed in MS. In fact, they were everywhere when I first started playing. You could see them fighting with no damage, vacking all the monsters and items off of map, botting or stealing drops. My second year playing there was a massive hack of most guilds, in which most guilds in my server (Windia) were disbanded. Since the guild hack I’ve been paranoid to accept trade requests, I avoid hanging out in the free market and I disable my chat and trade abilities. MapleStory security has improved a lot since I began playing and I actively take my own precautions. At least six months to a year ago I switched from using Internet Explorer to Mozilla Firefox because I read about hack threats and a few friends suggested the switch as well. I’ve changed my password and pin over time and I stay away from sketchy websites. I seldom use instant messages & when I do it’s with people I know. I don’t add random buddy requests. I have a pop-up blocker and subscribe to Trend Micro antivirus software, which in theory, gives me my own firewall and protection.
All that said, I sign in to play MS today, only to discover I’ve somehow been hacked. Needless to say, I’m devastated. I could see if I was completely naïve and didn’t take any proactive steps to protect myself; the fact that I do and yet I still got hacked makes me furious as well as crushed. How much more do I have to do to protect myself? What is my antivirus doing? It’s designed to provide me with “internet security,” but given this incident, clearly my information is not secure. Putting the time factor aside, the hacker stripped my account clean off any/all equips worth meso, including (off the top of my head because 1- I didn’t keep a running inventory of my things, 2-I’m too flustered at the moment to try and make a comprehensive list & 3- It’s highly doubtful Nexon will reimburse or return anything); two devil sunrise swords (mine being 116attack), toy maker equips, round pink chair, Olivia chair, countless scrolls, all the inner tubes, another 100+ sword, all the holiday even equips I collected (which is almost all of them since Halloween ’06), priest equips that gave me +50int stat boost and the 700mil mesos I had in my storage. So in essence, I was robbed of at least $300 in permanent NX items/modifications, easily 1-2bil mesos worth of equips and 700mil in fluid mesos.
I sit here scratching my head at how I was hacked and whether or not the theft will only include my MS account. Should I be panicking because I paid bills online today? Are my bank accounts next? I feel overloaded of mixed emotions and many questions. Most importantly, is the invasion over? Although they might seem like pointless pixels to some, I was robbed of items that were rightfully mine. Unlike a house robbery or mugging, there is no insurance to cover my virtual property. I feel just as violated. It doesn’t matter that the stolen goods were virtual. They were my equips, my items, my account; paid for with actual time and money. What if anything can be done? I’m going to report it to Nexon (company that owns MS), but what will they do about it? Given how easy it is to trade, drop or sell items, is there any way to trace my things? Even if they could find all my things, what happens to the person that buys them thinking the seller is a legit player? Will they return my 700mil mesos, if nothing else? How can I prove what I lost? Then of course there’s the bigger concern of all the other potential info and virtual things I own. Why is it that I use a paid antivirus program and hackers still broke through?
I was on MS just last week and all was well. Whenever the account was hacked has got to be in the last 10 days (at most). In terms of my actions, the only thing I can come up with is the fact that I used Internet Explorer this past week. The Trend Micro software and a couple other programs use it as a default browser and a couple of flash games I like work better. I did a manual scan (right after I discovered I’d been hacked) & sure enough, it found a bunch of cookies; thanks to Explorer. Why is it that threatening things are blocked on Mozilla and get through on Explorer? I’d gladly take Explorer off my computer, but I tried that once in the past & Windows did not react kindly. Besides, the damage is done.
This whole experience has left me angry & feeling vulnerable. It saddens me to quit playing MapleStory. I’ve had a lot of fun playing. I’ve seen dozens of players come and go these past four years. If my buddy list, guilds and general experience are representative of the MS community, I’d say I’m one of the few (out of millions) that have stayed relatively active for that long. Nexon will be losing a reliable, dedicated customer; whether or not they care is questionable. I’m wondering what to do next. Regardless that it’s a bunch of pixels, it was a collection of things I worked hard to get (Hard in terms of gaming; I realize it seems trivial in terms of life and importance in general.). Legally speaking, I paid for quite a bit of it with real money. With everything I’ve been through in my life; divorced parents, the death of my sister, my accident and subsequent paralysis, this doesn’t rate as super high in terms of trauma. It is the principle. MapleStory has played an important role in my life post accident and everything taken represents a collection of things that has given me a bit of happiness, despite my lowest times. It’s not the first time important things have been stolen from me. Lord knows, my accident robbed me of an entirely different life.
The computer empowers me and gives me freedoms to control my personal info, shopping, banking, socializing, advocacy and bill payment. If I can’t trust “secure” sites like Facebook, Yahoo, Best Buy, Bank of America or Internet Explorer at all, how can I safely use the internet? I’m shaken, disappointed and confused on where to go from here, in terms of my virtual life.
For those of you that aren’t gamers, MS is what you call a MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game). MMORPGs consist of thousands to millions of players. You create a character and name and you can play with and interact with other real life people. Most MMORPG have loose open ended storylines that allow you to choose from a variety of things to do and allow you to customize your experience. The game worlds are online social communities which allow you to meet new people, play with friends and work as a team, to meet objectives, win achievements and/or complete quests. Typically there are specific class types, which you choose from early on such as; warrior, mage, archer, bowman, ninja and pirate. Some games offer subclasses as well. Your class determines what kind of equips, weapons and items you’ll need and which skills you’ll acquire. You advance in level and skills through gaining experience, which is usually given in points that correlate to the monsters you kill or as rewards for completing quests. Each subsequent level requires more experience points than the last level and special abilities and skills are usually increased with each level. Some MMORPGs charge subscription fees to play (like World of War Craft), while others offer free access. Although MS is free to play, there are tons of optional items you can buy to enhance your game play. In both types of MMORPG you gain an in-game currency, which you need to buy equips, weapons and items. In MS the game currency is called “meso.” In a free access game like MS it becomes increasingly harder to rely solely on game currency alone, so many people buy the optional currency to take advantage of the specialty items. In MS the cash shop items are purchased with “NX” which you can buy on the company game site or in gift card form.
Maple Story is unique in that it is a 2D side scrolling format; similar to the old 16bit systems, like SNES and Sega Genesis. Its cute anime inspired look and overall game design make it a family friendly game. The monsters and environments are adorable (most) and although you kill monsters, there isn’t the guts, gore and realism of other contemporary games. For the most part teamwork is promoted over competition, as there is little player versus player game play.
As I mentioned before, I was still living in the nursing home when I started playing MS. My time spent at the nursing home was the hardest and darkest period of my life. I was extremely depressed. Maple Story provided me with a much needed escape from reality. As corny as it sounds, MS played a huge role in helping me retain my sanity that first year post accident. It was a distraction from my sad situation. It gave me the opportunity to meet new people and hang out with friends, without ever leaving my room. In Maple Story I am the same as everyone else; no one can tell I play with a mouth stick unless I choose to tell them. Given my situation, it’s a good feeling to be able to fit in and feel equal to everyone else. MS gave me a few hours every day where I could escape reality and not focus so much on my sadness.
Gaming can be very addictive and there was a time when I played MS at least five or six hours every day. I don’t play nearly as much now, but it is still an enjoyable part of my life and I often use my time online to simply socialize. I’ve met some wonderful friends through MS, from all over the country (as well as a few other countries) that I would’ve never met otherwise. I have a lot of free time, being unemployed. Since I’ve been back in my own apartment I’ve become more involved with advocacy work, for finding a cure to paralysis. I’ve had opportunities to exhibit my art and have to split my time in the chair between work & play, so to speak. Overall, if I were to calculate all the time I’ve spent playing MS this past 3 ½ years, I’m sure I’ve easily invested several weeks of my life online. That probably seems excessive, but you have to keep in mind that I have way more free time than the average person and the first year I played I used MS as an escape. Being newly paralyzed and living in a nursing facility is a reality I’m sure anyone would like to escape.
I know a couple of people that play MS without spending money on NX, but on a whole, I’d say the vast majority of players invest in NX. It is near impossible to keep up with friends (level and skill) without NX. When I first started playing in ’06 the game environment was much smaller and most NX items were just covers for in game equips and weapons that didn’t have a functional purpose; purely cosmetic. As the game has grown, so has the cash shop. There are now certain aspects of the game that can only be accessed with NX (such as Amoria party quest). Most NX items expire in 90 days, so if it’s something you feel you need you basically end up spending what you might spend on subscription to other games. Since I can only hit one key at a time with my stick it has become increasingly more difficult to play without NX. There are certain items which I buy regularly to be able to play on par with traditional players (people that play with 10 working fingers). I rely heavily on my pet and pet equips to pick up items, mesos and use potions. If I had to pick up items myself or heal myself it would be too frustrating to play once I reach a certain point. Fighting monsters gets harder with each level and I can’t hit two keys at a time, so without NX items I’d have to constantly switch between attacking and healing. Not only would it slow me down, it would force me to waste tons of mesos on extra potions. Without a pet, I’d die very often, which is frustrating and wastes time and experience points. I keep a regular stock of safety charms; in the event I do die my charm saves me from losing experience. At high levels (120+ out of 200) it can take hours, if not days to gain a level, so if you die without a charm you waste a significant amount of time. There are special tickets which double points and drops. I buy double experience regularly. I level much slower than most players as is, so 2xs experience helps me to keep up with friends. On average, I spend $40-$60 every 90 days, which is comparable to subscription fees. There are times where I’ve been playing more often and I tend to spend even more during those periods. I like NX items; they make the game more enjoyable for me. On a whole, I don’t mind buying NX. I look at buying NX like buying console games, which I used to spend just as much on, if not more.
You gain game currency (mesos in MapleStory) by killing monsters, doing quests and selling rare game items. Many people (including me) make tons of mesos selling equips, scrolls and rare items. Some rare items are monster drops, while others are won in gachapon (a lottery type game feature which requires NX tickets to play); both methods rely solely on luck. Rare items and good equips (give high status boosts) can cost several hundred million mesos! Since the prices are set by players the prices/value of items fluctuates. You also use mesos to buy potions to heal or boost stats, as well as use certain in-game services, such as; transportation between areas and item creation. I’ve easily made and spent billions of meso over the past several years. I’ve had a few lucky sales (most recently I sold an elemental wand for close to 900mil meso) which in turn, allowed me to buy really good equips and rare collector items like chairs. My account consists of a 4th job level hero (133/200), 3rd job level priest (114/200), two 2nd job characters and a low level character for storage.
The difference in buying a game outright versus subscribing to game access or buying digital items is that there is a much higher risk of losing your investment with online games. I can hold a Gameboy DS game in my hands. I know my console games are here, safe in my home, available to use at anytime and only cost me a onetime fee. Since I started playing MS I’ve easily invested hundreds (maybe even over one thousand) of dollars over the past 3-4 years. Again, that might seem exorbitant to a non-gamer, but keep in mind that console game systems cost $200-400 for the system and $20-60 per game. The good news with console game systems is that you can trade them in for a little cash towards a newer model and short of a burglary on my home, my investment is safe and sound.
Maple Story is the first and only MMORPG I’ve ever played. It is also the first online game I’ve invested real money in (buying NX). In terms of overall investment, I’ve dedicated almost 4 years of time and had built up an impressive collection of equips and items. I’ve always known that hackers existed in MS. In fact, they were everywhere when I first started playing. You could see them fighting with no damage, vacking all the monsters and items off of map, botting or stealing drops. My second year playing there was a massive hack of most guilds, in which most guilds in my server (Windia) were disbanded. Since the guild hack I’ve been paranoid to accept trade requests, I avoid hanging out in the free market and I disable my chat and trade abilities. MapleStory security has improved a lot since I began playing and I actively take my own precautions. At least six months to a year ago I switched from using Internet Explorer to Mozilla Firefox because I read about hack threats and a few friends suggested the switch as well. I’ve changed my password and pin over time and I stay away from sketchy websites. I seldom use instant messages & when I do it’s with people I know. I don’t add random buddy requests. I have a pop-up blocker and subscribe to Trend Micro antivirus software, which in theory, gives me my own firewall and protection.
All that said, I sign in to play MS today, only to discover I’ve somehow been hacked. Needless to say, I’m devastated. I could see if I was completely naïve and didn’t take any proactive steps to protect myself; the fact that I do and yet I still got hacked makes me furious as well as crushed. How much more do I have to do to protect myself? What is my antivirus doing? It’s designed to provide me with “internet security,” but given this incident, clearly my information is not secure. Putting the time factor aside, the hacker stripped my account clean off any/all equips worth meso, including (off the top of my head because 1- I didn’t keep a running inventory of my things, 2-I’m too flustered at the moment to try and make a comprehensive list & 3- It’s highly doubtful Nexon will reimburse or return anything); two devil sunrise swords (mine being 116attack), toy maker equips, round pink chair, Olivia chair, countless scrolls, all the inner tubes, another 100+ sword, all the holiday even equips I collected (which is almost all of them since Halloween ’06), priest equips that gave me +50int stat boost and the 700mil mesos I had in my storage. So in essence, I was robbed of at least $300 in permanent NX items/modifications, easily 1-2bil mesos worth of equips and 700mil in fluid mesos.
I sit here scratching my head at how I was hacked and whether or not the theft will only include my MS account. Should I be panicking because I paid bills online today? Are my bank accounts next? I feel overloaded of mixed emotions and many questions. Most importantly, is the invasion over? Although they might seem like pointless pixels to some, I was robbed of items that were rightfully mine. Unlike a house robbery or mugging, there is no insurance to cover my virtual property. I feel just as violated. It doesn’t matter that the stolen goods were virtual. They were my equips, my items, my account; paid for with actual time and money. What if anything can be done? I’m going to report it to Nexon (company that owns MS), but what will they do about it? Given how easy it is to trade, drop or sell items, is there any way to trace my things? Even if they could find all my things, what happens to the person that buys them thinking the seller is a legit player? Will they return my 700mil mesos, if nothing else? How can I prove what I lost? Then of course there’s the bigger concern of all the other potential info and virtual things I own. Why is it that I use a paid antivirus program and hackers still broke through?
I was on MS just last week and all was well. Whenever the account was hacked has got to be in the last 10 days (at most). In terms of my actions, the only thing I can come up with is the fact that I used Internet Explorer this past week. The Trend Micro software and a couple other programs use it as a default browser and a couple of flash games I like work better. I did a manual scan (right after I discovered I’d been hacked) & sure enough, it found a bunch of cookies; thanks to Explorer. Why is it that threatening things are blocked on Mozilla and get through on Explorer? I’d gladly take Explorer off my computer, but I tried that once in the past & Windows did not react kindly. Besides, the damage is done.
This whole experience has left me angry & feeling vulnerable. It saddens me to quit playing MapleStory. I’ve had a lot of fun playing. I’ve seen dozens of players come and go these past four years. If my buddy list, guilds and general experience are representative of the MS community, I’d say I’m one of the few (out of millions) that have stayed relatively active for that long. Nexon will be losing a reliable, dedicated customer; whether or not they care is questionable. I’m wondering what to do next. Regardless that it’s a bunch of pixels, it was a collection of things I worked hard to get (Hard in terms of gaming; I realize it seems trivial in terms of life and importance in general.). Legally speaking, I paid for quite a bit of it with real money. With everything I’ve been through in my life; divorced parents, the death of my sister, my accident and subsequent paralysis, this doesn’t rate as super high in terms of trauma. It is the principle. MapleStory has played an important role in my life post accident and everything taken represents a collection of things that has given me a bit of happiness, despite my lowest times. It’s not the first time important things have been stolen from me. Lord knows, my accident robbed me of an entirely different life.
The computer empowers me and gives me freedoms to control my personal info, shopping, banking, socializing, advocacy and bill payment. If I can’t trust “secure” sites like Facebook, Yahoo, Best Buy, Bank of America or Internet Explorer at all, how can I safely use the internet? I’m shaken, disappointed and confused on where to go from here, in terms of my virtual life.
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