I'd like to take this opportunity to address all of my friends (hopefully my family already knows how much I appreciate & love them). I have been so blessed, to have so many wonderful, supportive people in the life. Unlike so many other people I witnessed (during my time living in the nursing facility) in similar situations, my friends have been there for me from day one of my injury and have stayed by my side throughout my struggles; during good and bad times. My friends have amazed me; always going the extra mile. I'm so thankful to have had such a large group of people that have rallied to help me, spent time with me, lent their shoulders to cry on and continually took an interest in my life and offered me love and support.
Thank you so much for being there for me, and helping to motivate me, inspire me and for giving me the strength to endure living with paralysis for as long as I have. I would not have accomplished half of what I've been able to do since my accident, if it was not for the extra support of my friends. I wish I could've endured this life a bit longer, but I am thoroughly exhausted (mentally & physically). Just know that I have appreciated every single visit, every word of encouragement and the generosity that you have all shown me.
Please know that my decision to leave this life behind was not made rashly, or without careful consideration and concern for the people I'm leaving behind. I have been fighting an uphill battle to live, every day since my accident. A big part of my died back on June 5, 2005 and my life was never the same. Everything has felt empty, and bittersweet. Every memory tainted with sadness, over everything that I've lost, everything I miss doing, and everything I had planned to do, and hoped to be.
My paralysis robbed me of the most basic human necessities (freedom, privacy, independence, and physical intimacy). It has been tremendously difficult, being forced into accepting help; needing to be washed, clothed and fed like an infant. I have had to endure horrible treatments and artificial, unnatural means of life support (through medicine, catheters & bowel program). My body is exhausted and most days I'm sick, uncomfortable (chills, cold sweats, fevers) and in pain (chest pains & nerve pain). I did my best, to seek out doctors, specialists, therapists and tried countless medications and treatments. Unfortunately, there is no cure for me. There aren't many options or relief. Life itself has become torture. I have felt like a prisoner within my own body. I'm tired of suffering. I'm tired of fighting to live, only be sick and miserable. This is not a quality life for me.
I never wanted to disappoint, or hurt my loved ones, but I have reached my limit. I have tried my hardest for six long, painful years and now I just want to rest in peace. I hope my book will help people understand me better, and open people's eyes and minds to what things matter most in life. I hope it helps to broaden people's perceptions on right to die issues and the importance of quality of life. I leave this life with the comfort of knowing I will be surrounded by those closest to me. I leave behind my friends and family with a heavy heart, but feel I'm ready to embrace death and hopefully move on to a better, peaceful place. I hope my book can bring comfort and closure to those closest to me & serve to continue to help others once I'm gone.
Again, thank you all for your love, support & friendship.
Love always, Christina
R.I.P. Christina...your story affected me deeply as I'm sure it did many others.
ReplyDeleteChrissy, rest in peace. I will always remember your honesty and courage.
ReplyDeleteWe'll meet one day, Chrissy. God is not a sadist who'll condemn a person for not being able to tolerate a non-life of endless suffering. Also, Jimmy, you might be the greatest guy I have ever heard of. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
ReplyDeleteWhat had happened to her?
ReplyDeleteI am sad, but relieved to hear Christina is finally at peace. Her honesty and courage in sharing the truth of her life has made my life a little easier to bear.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to her family and loved ones. This is surely a devastating loss for them.
How to get the book?
ReplyDeleteSiobanyan - her book is in the process of being published as an ebook. As soon as it is available, we will post details here and on her website.
ReplyDeleteWhat has happened to Chrissy? Can anyone tell me? Australia is not that far away!!! Chrissy, I have only just learned about you, you can have gone already????
ReplyDeleteI was totally heart broken to read of Christina in the Star Ledger this morning. My best friend in high school had a similar accident at 16 and Christina's story brought back so many memories of his life as a quadraplegic and his decision to eventually end the suffering. An accident of this nature can be a roller coaster of grief and hope. God bless all of you who loved and cared for Christina.
ReplyDeleteThis blog makes me crying...RIP Christina
ReplyDeleteRest in Peace Chrissy. Thank you for sharing your journey.
ReplyDeleteRIP Christina ~ you will be missed by so many! I feel so inspired by your blogs & art. I can't wait to read your book. I suffer from Major Depression, and reading all of this - makes me feel so selfish. I will value and care for myself better. God bless you, and your family.
ReplyDeleteWhat a heartbreaking story.
ReplyDeleteI am speechless.
Your story is very heart touching , May u rest in peace Cristina.
ReplyDeletei can't believe it. words do not express how much respect i got for you. I hope, deeply, that you find your rest en that your loved ones can deal with this loss. God bless and rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteTim, from Ireland
Chrissy I hope you have found peace now. Your story brought tears to my eyes, you had to go through so much. You are such a strong person. R.I.P x
ReplyDeleteSweet, sweet girl. You were so very brave. We ALL make mistakes. Your injury was an accident. Nothing more. I believe God has you by his side in Heavan. You are his precious daughter. I have health problems. No longer able to teach. With therapy and meds, my depression is under control. I have chronic pain. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, children, family.
ReplyDeleteYou're story has made me more thankful for what I have. No more pity parties for myself. Thank you for sharing.
I would have done the same thing you did. Let nature take its course. I've often thought there were situations WORSE than death.
Praise God you are now healed! No more pain or suffering. You're death was not suicide. The only unforgivable sin is not accepting Jesus as our savior. I believe you were able to make that decision at the Pearly Gates.
I pray Jimmy can move forward in peace. Neither of you are at fault. We all do things we regret.
God bless your family. I look forward to meeting you in heaven in the future.
Heavenly Father knows the intent of your heart, Christina. My heart is heavy for all that you have endured. I know that Our Savior, Jesus is with thee now. May you have found the comfort and rest you so sought with misery in life now with peace in the after life-- Tana Lindley
ReplyDeleteYou all just remember it is not a good bye it is always. "I will see you later."
ReplyDeleteChristina - I read your story with tears for you and Jimmy. It's a very sad story that unfolded as your lives. I sit here wondering how you had the courage to go on as long as you did because were it I in the same situation, I would have ended my life long before you did. I totally understand why you ended your life. And truth be known, if they (your friends, family and Jimmy) were in your body they most likely would have wanted the same ending as you, peace and freedom from your entrapped body. I'm ashamed as I sit here because nothing in my life was or is as bad as what you've had to endure. You are now free from the hell of your accident. Thank you for telling your story.
ReplyDeleteThe story of this beautiful, sweet, kind, bright young woman has affected me deeply. I wish I could go back in time, travel to her, and spend some time talking with her, and maybe even make her smile or laugh... or somehow feel better.
ReplyDeleteWe're very lucky she chose to share her emotions, feelings, and wisdom with us through her writing. She has definitely taught me some valuable life lessons about what's really important and meaningful -- and how precious our daily lives really are. I'm grateful for her insight.
I'm sorry, Chrissy. I wish I could have been your friend, and I wish I could have helped you.
May you rest in peace, and may your spirit and soul live on.
i am very impressed by how good you were at expressing yourself in writing. you captured details of your hardships very effectively, thereby opening our eyes to how fragile life really is and how important health is, and many other values and principles we take for granted. all of this has been so real, and altogether sad that while reading, i felt like i could actually feel at least fractions of your sufferings. so thank you, and rest now, beautiful lady.
ReplyDeleteDear Miss Symanski,
ReplyDeleteYou were my son's art teacher at the time of your accident. He was in 4th grade at that time and I was a very involved Mom helping with PTA and the events that come with it. One event that was very dear to my heart was Teacher Appreciation Day. All of the Moms (and Dads) would prepare a feast and we would serve it to the teachers throughout the day. This feast was served in your classroom. So for this day you were pushed out of your room and went somewhere else to teach your classes. I remember most of all your kindness and your grace when you joined us to enjoy the festivities. Your classroom was clean and tidy and a wonderful place to spend the day. I couldn't help but be transported to my elementary school days, art class was always my favorite. Your accident was devastating and I was left wondering what we as a school could do for you. Somehow I think, No, I know, we didn't do enough. I read with great sadness of your passing and your solitary struggles. Since then I appreciate every step I take, every hug I give my now 17 year old son ( who was your student) and every day to day movement however ordinary that we all take for granted. I pray you have found the peace you deserved and are you now free.
Blessed be,
Lorraine Shapiro
One day, your words will be in every library in the world. You were ahead of your time. Your honesty still blows me away.
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate to her and all the struggles she went through living as a paralyzed person. It is very hard to lose all of your independence in one night. It is completely hard to depend on others to take care of you. I myself am paralyzed and thought many time on ending my life because of the same issues she talks about here. It is very hard..This story has touched me on a very personal level as I struggle with what she went through for years..God Bless you and your family..
ReplyDeleteSaw Christina's vídeos on Youtube this morning. Incredbly sad. I have cerebral palsy and need the same amount of help Christina did. She was a great person from her videos. I'd like to read her book. I wouldn't, and don't wish to die but Christna was obviously going through a very tough time. I sympathise with some of her thoughts on being cared for, but I accept my life as it is and wouldn't change it. RIP
ReplyDeleteIt may be easy to sound positive when a person is doing fine. I just can't imagine what she went through as in enduring 6 yrs torture. I don't even think I'd be that strong if I was in her position.
ReplyDeleteThis story makes me appreciate life for as long as I can & it also tells me that true friends and family will be by our side whether we expect it or not, during our bad times.
I am no where close to what this lovely young woman went through, I just got divorced, mostly my fault, I carry the guilt and suffering from my séparation, I miss my wife and daughter so much that I don't see life without them....I should be inspired by this sad very sad story and I am, ,trying every day to cope...just the mental suffering of breaking up is so overwhelming to me....Christina did all she could and beyond what a humain being could bear....RIP Christina, you are in heaven for sure
ReplyDeleteThe 20th of this month is my 7 year anniversary of my wreck. There was a long time where i tried to allow myself to die as well but pride always got in my way. I've been reading this blog all night not knowing she died and now that i know i gotta say i'm really pissed off. First off this is a bad month for me to read or hear anything like that. Second if i had given up i would have never known i had a son from a 1 night stand a year before my wreck. I didn't get to meet my son or even knew he existed until he was two. I've never given up and i hope anyone who reads my comment will take that to heart. I'm getting married now to the most amazing women and ya life is still hard but that's not a good enough reason to use a permanent solution to what could be a temporary problem. Just to prevent backlash i am also paralyzed and i know there will not be a cure in my lifetime.
ReplyDelete