I'd like to take this opportunity to address all of my friends (hopefully my family already knows how much I appreciate & love them). I have been so blessed, to have so many wonderful, supportive people in the life. Unlike so many other people I witnessed (during my time living in the nursing facility) in similar situations, my friends have been there for me from day one of my injury and have stayed by my side throughout my struggles; during good and bad times. My friends have amazed me; always going the extra mile. I'm so thankful to have had such a large group of people that have rallied to help me, spent time with me, lent their shoulders to cry on and continually took an interest in my life and offered me love and support.
Thank you so much for being there for me, and helping to motivate me, inspire me and for giving me the strength to endure living with paralysis for as long as I have. I would not have accomplished half of what I've been able to do since my accident, if it was not for the extra support of my friends. I wish I could've endured this life a bit longer, but I am thoroughly exhausted (mentally & physically). Just know that I have appreciated every single visit, every word of encouragement and the generosity that you have all shown me.
Please know that my decision to leave this life behind was not made rashly, or without careful consideration and concern for the people I'm leaving behind. I have been fighting an uphill battle to live, every day since my accident. A big part of my died back on June 5, 2005 and my life was never the same. Everything has felt empty, and bittersweet. Every memory tainted with sadness, over everything that I've lost, everything I miss doing, and everything I had planned to do, and hoped to be.
My paralysis robbed me of the most basic human necessities (freedom, privacy, independence, and physical intimacy). It has been tremendously difficult, being forced into accepting help; needing to be washed, clothed and fed like an infant. I have had to endure horrible treatments and artificial, unnatural means of life support (through medicine, catheters & bowel program). My body is exhausted and most days I'm sick, uncomfortable (chills, cold sweats, fevers) and in pain (chest pains & nerve pain). I did my best, to seek out doctors, specialists, therapists and tried countless medications and treatments. Unfortunately, there is no cure for me. There aren't many options or relief. Life itself has become torture. I have felt like a prisoner within my own body. I'm tired of suffering. I'm tired of fighting to live, only be sick and miserable. This is not a quality life for me.
I never wanted to disappoint, or hurt my loved ones, but I have reached my limit. I have tried my hardest for six long, painful years and now I just want to rest in peace. I hope my book will help people understand me better, and open people's eyes and minds to what things matter most in life. I hope it helps to broaden people's perceptions on right to die issues and the importance of quality of life. I leave this life with the comfort of knowing I will be surrounded by those closest to me. I leave behind my friends and family with a heavy heart, but feel I'm ready to embrace death and hopefully move on to a better, peaceful place. I hope my book can bring comfort and closure to those closest to me & serve to continue to help others once I'm gone.
Again, thank you all for your love, support & friendship.
Love always, Christina